Bloggus Vomitus Excelsior

I'm not sure exactly what that means, but it sounds pretty impressive so I'm gonna just go with it, ok? Thanks for playing along. This is the post where I regale you with tales of things that have happened to me, and things that I've been thinking about. Strap yourself in, bucko, it's been a bumpy few weeks.

First of all, I remain a lucky boy. I know, it's been just about the worst month I've ever had, but there have been bright spots. For example, I found out just the other day that my insurance company is going to cover me for my accident. They're going to pay for the damage to her car, I can get mine fixed by paying a $500 deductible, and they're only going to make me give them my spleen and three toes from my left foot. You don't need a spleen, right? Has anyone made an artifical spleen? Will I need to be put in an Iron Spleen? That would be an awesome band name, by the way. Like Iron Butterfly but with more bile.

So yes, my car will be repaired, and I will not have to scrounge up the $5500+ it will cost to repair the other person's car. In all honesty, I was not expecting to be covered. Neither was my adjustor - she was extremely surprised. So hooray for good news.

The other good news? I'm not an alcoholic! Yay! My father is a highly functioning alcoholic, and when I was young, I made a decision to never be like that. And I haven't. Since the breakup, though, I've consumed WAY too much of the stuff, simply to dull the edge of the pain and anxiety, and it was starting to bother me. So I stopped. And I was ok. I still have panic attacks and everything, but I don't feel the urge to drink. It helps temporarily, but as a long-term solution, it's really pretty stupid, and I sort of make a point of not doing stupid things. Which leads to me to my Post-Breakup Manifesto.

1. I will not start dating again until I'm ready. I'm definitely not ready, and it's not fair to me or the other person to jump into something while I've still got issues. It's not like there aren't people interested or anything, but I need to keep things on a "friends-only" level for a while, until I can repair the damage. I don't want a rebound, and I think I'm strong enough to stay single until I know I can handle being in another relationship. That said, I love being in a relationship, so it will be a struggle to keep from slipping into something. But I don't want something shallow or convenient. When it happens, I'd like for it to be real, and meaningful. That takes discipline and self-control, and I've gotten much, much better at both of those things over the last year or two.


2. I will continue to rebuild my social life. One of the problems with a long distance relationship is the time difference. In my case, she was on the east coast, and I'm on the west. That meant that she was finishing up with her night right about the time mine should have been starting. I made a decision early on to make the relationship a priority, and some of my friendships suffered as a result. I turned down a bunch of offers to do stuff, hang out, etc, and eventually some people just stopped asking. In retrospect, I could perhaps have done a better job of balancing the two, but I do not regret the decision to make her a priority. I realized how important it was to communicate, and I'm glad that I made the sacrifice. Looking back, I made a lot more sacrifices than she did, and that's something I need to think about.


3. I will not change who I am. In spite of everything that's happened to me, I think I really did a good job working on myself after my divorce. As traumatic as this is for me, my core is intact. I still know who I am and what I want out of life. I thought that I'd found someone who could appreciate me for who I am, and I think she did...she just didn't want what we had enough. And that's not my fault. It does no good for me to beat myself up about that - it simply is what it is. I WILL find someone who appreciates what I have to offer at some point. I'll find her one of these days.


4. I will continue to travel. I've been a lot of places over this last year, and I want that to continue. I'll do it by myself if I have to, but it's SO much more enjoyable when you're sharing the experience with someone you care about, someone who thinks like you do.


5. I will join a gym. Yes. I seriously am going to do this. I've been saying it for about 2 years now, but seriously, this is the right time. Besides - it'll be nice to have something to do in the evenings besides mope and watch tv. Also, I'd like to one day say that I can bench press a Wookiee. At the moment, I can probably only handle an anorexic Ewok.


6. I will finally get my tattoo. I've found an artist that I really like, and I'll be meeting with him in January. It will be a large, full color tattoo of a bat on my upper right arm. Very vibrant colors, lots of black and green and blue, and the artist is simply fantastic. One of the best I've ever seen, and local as well. I'll post pictures when I finally get it. Oh - did I not tell you that I like bats? I suppose you could consider them my "power animal". And I'm not talking about the fugly little bats with the big noses and ears - I'm talking about the handsome bats that eat fruit and stuff. Yeah. Shutting up now.


7. I will write something every day. No exceptions. It can be anything, but I have to spend at least an hour doing it. I imagine that a lot of it will be taken up by blogging, but I'll have time to work on short stories as well. I've always planned on being a full-time writer, and now is as good a time as any to start working on that in earnest.


8. I will take at least one photo per day. No exceptions.

I'll re-visit this list again in two or three months and see how I'm doing. And of course, I'll share a lot of it with you along the way. Because I kinda like you guys and stuff.