Not for me, though. I plan on being cremated, liquified, and injected into a dolphin.

Thank you for bearing with me regarding that whole "Porcelain Seed" thing - I figure that if I post the stuff as it comes out of my head, in a public forum, I'll be more likely to actually finish it.

I've always been intrigued by myths and origins - the beginnings of things, and how the world was viewed through the lens of different times and places. That's what I'm trying to do with this new piece.

A thousand years ago, in a land both far and strange, a mountain slipped its rounded head above a sea of clouds for just a moment, one out of billions spent in the darkness, and something amazing happened.

High up in the twisted branches of an ancient tree, a single porcelain egg lay in a nest of crumbling twigs. The golden sunlight slid over the smooth surface of the egg, warming it by a single degree. The egg rolled slightly to the side, crushed a twig to dust. It was still for a few long moments, as if gathering strength or resolve.

As some of you may know, I am a fan of frosting. In fact, I freely admit that my favorite nickname for The Girl is "Cupcake". Seriously.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXw6NXngmfg]

Sad, really, and nowhere near as cute as the inspiration.

The world seems to be conspiring to remind me that I have no bacon in my fridge, and thus, no bacon in my future tummy unless I feel like going to the store. Which I don't. By the way, I just got an image of my future tummy returning (from the future) wearing some sort of futuristic eyewear.

Mini-rant time. I just ran across an article on Boing Boing about a bunker bungalow, capable of withstanding all sorts of post-apocalyptic stuff. And I look at the picture, and I see that the garage is in front. WHY is the garage always in front? Why would you screw up the design of a home by putting a big garage door front and center? Couldn't it go on the side? Around back? It's sort of the automobile equivalent of wearing Depends voluntarily.

Yeah, you heard me. A ROBOT. It is shiny, and it is red. It has sensors and wheels and gears and an insatiable desire to crush humans. Ok, not really. It's a vacuum cleaner. A Roomba Red, to be precise. It's small and scooty and it will keep my floors cleaner than my noodle arms and a swiffer could ever manage.

700 hobos, to be precise.

This is not me, I swear:


Replicant Wemberly Plastiskin and His Clockwork Squirrel "Toothy"

Why? Why must you befuddle me so?