Don't worry about locking up your PBR and ironic Lionel Ritchie albums - this is a different sort of hipster. Think of it as a fannypack with a training wheel. Personally, I think of it as a portable Gene Pool Isolation Unit.

In other news, the oddly named Fatrobot featured perhaps the best video I've ever seen. It has everything, including a little gold vest and moccasins:

First of all, apologies for the egregious use of exclamation points, but they were required. Only extra punctuation can adequately convey the level of fear conjured by an english scientist with a mouth full of bad teeth and a heart full of dread at the thought that his RAGE INFECTED monkeys would release their dire seed into the world.

I've just returned from a very refreshing, relaxing and SHORT trip up to Mammoth Lakes, CA. Which happens to be my favorite place in the whole world. True, it's a 4-5 hour drive through what is mostly a featureless desert landscape populated only by joshua trees, scrubby foliage, and billboards every 20 miles or so advertising the "BEST BEEF JERKY EVER, WE'RE NOT EVEN KIDDING, ONLY 75 MILES AHEAD!!!"

Just a quick post to inform you of a new addition to my sidebar, Fatrobot. Fatrobot is quite possibly the world's first robot with schizophrenia and an unholy fascination with late 1800's bicycle advertisements and christian wrestling. This works out well for me, because now I have a source to satisfy my (unholy?) addiction to Jesus Beards.

Sorry for the lack of updates, folks - things have gotten worse in WorkLand over the last few days. I'm seriously considering a transfer to a different department, even if it's not even in my field.

I don't even know what department I would go to - all I know is that my job is making me very unhappy at the moment and that needs to change.

Dear Readers,

I don't usually get into political stuff here, but I figure this is kind of important. I'm sure you've probably heard that as a result of an ACLU lawsuit, a federal judge has struck down the Bush Administration's wiretapping operation.

Last night I had the extreme pleasure of not only seeing the excellent Birdmonster play, but I also got to meet Justin (Corkscrew Biscuit Thrower), who plays bass and banjo and (depending on durability) the tamborine. He also is responsible for their blog, which is a daily stop in my unceasing effort to avoid doing Things That Are Productive.

Rejoice, those of you with Helper Monkeys! Not only will the TSA allow your monkey on a plane, they also have rigorous guidelines to help TSA authorities properly screen your screechin' little buddy.

You will be pleased to note that at no point will authorities touch your monkey. Unfortunately for the rest of us, the screener may ask that the monkey's diaper be removed for inspection. Presumably to check for any contraband nail polish or hair gel.

For some reason, the bulk of my hits in the last 24 hours have come from google searches for "naked hobo". Is there a demand? Are there actually people out there who find scabs and matted armpit hair sexy? And bunions? Any bunion lovers out there?

They all seem to be coming from the midwest. I am both baffled AND perplexed.

Rest assured, dear readers - you will never see a photo spread of this hobo on a bearskin rug, saucy or otherwise.

Lots of writey writerness going on. I've decided that I need to get off my tuchas and start writing more. Seriously. There are several reasons for this.

Space Nakji is one of the best writers I know, and one of the best writers I've read. And I've read a lot. She writes the way I wish I could. Graceful, articulate, and goddamn fucking funny. You want a taste? Here's a snippet. Visit often - you won't regret it.

First of all, we here at the Hobo News Network (HNN) are sad to see that one of our favorite stops on the Interweb is going on a brief hiatus.

I have a new goal in life. Thanks, Space Nakji!

Fluid Pudding, I think this might just trump your pig candy.

p.s.: i like how the "Cock n Balls" says "tasty". that's classy.

Ok, I'm back. The last few weeks have been rather stressful, to say the least. I don't want to go into it much (mostly because I'm sick of thinking about it), but I've realized that unless I want to have a heart attack, I need to remember that work is just work, and that there's no upside to having it leech into my personal life and erode my health and happiness.