SPAM has a special place in my heart (mostly in chunks along the aorta). Not only is it a wonderful song, but it also comes in a can (that's "tin" for you Brits out there), and is full of many nutritious fiber-ey bits, like pig hair and eyelashes and tonsils and things.

I could really go for some pie right about now.

Alas, I will have to make do with chocolate ice cream with chocolate cookies on it, covered with chocolate syrup.

When you think "Hobo Mecca", what's the first thing that pops into your mind? Besides exciting skin conditions. New York City, right? Ok, and Hoboken, that's a given. What? No, Montreal doesn't have hobos. They have clochards, which I think is French for "men who sleep in orchards".

Nomenclature aside, I had the chance to visit NYC over the weekend. Amazingly enough, I managed to work my hobo charm and secure a place for The Girl and I at a very nice hotel in Midtown Manhattan. For $35 a night. Ah, the power of the Hobo Network.

I'm a Cube Dweller. This means that my desk has grown an accumulation of knick-knacks. I'm not entirely sure how they all got there - for all I know, my desk may simply disgorge them in the black of night, coffee cups and staplers and odd lego accretions emerging Athena-like from the woody brow of this icon of corporate culture.

Or maybe I just have a bad memory.

First of all, I am not a fan of mimes. My personal opinion is that mimes are bitter clown college rejects who have an irrational hatred of mankind and comedy in general. That said, the idea of mimes is a pretty solid joke. Why is that?

Exhibit A: Appending "a mime" to the end of any list makes it reasonably funny. Observe:

Magellan's Partial Cargo Manifest:

12 tons salt pork
200 gallons rum
100 gallons water
32 kilometers rope
500 square meters of canvas
1000 nails

Normally I think New Years Resolutions are worth about as much as wankel rotary engines for sea urchins, but this has been an interesting year. I've literally had the worst moment in my life, followed almost exactly five months later with the best moment in my life. All told, I've had an awesome year, and there are some things I've learned.

I mentioned in my previous post that there were no instructions included with the Hello Kitty Juicer, didn't I? This is an important point in my defense. See, the HKJ (as I affectionately refer to it) has a removable (and very pink) bowl (with convenient locking action). A simple twist and a turn will allow the user to remove the bowl and pour deliciously fresh juice into waiting receptacles. I knew this, and had removed the bowl during a previous attempt to Get The Thing Working, but did NOT notice a little cardboard ring around the juice shaft (yes, I just said "juice shaft").