A Missive From Deepest Siberia

Day 1

Drank something in a bottle I found on the ground behind the local "glass pipe" shop. Everything went fuzzy for a while, and I woke up on a bus next to a bearded man wearing yak skin. At least, that's what he told me it was. He looked a little stabby, so I didn't question it. I wonder where the bus is going?

Day 4

Yellowknife, Alaska. Great.

Day 9

There are some decent dumpsters here. I'm not really sure what to do with the seal parts, though. I'm assuming that's what they are, anyway.

Day 10

Pretty hungry. Those seal parts are looking pretty tasty.

Day 32

Don't eat the green seal parts. Not sure where I am now. Have been chased for the last several weeks by angry gnomes shouting at me to give them back their wooden legs. Found some toothpicks in my vest, but they weren't interested. Currently trying to keep gnomes away and avoid being eaten by bears. Bindlestick is filled with pine cones for some reason. Not really very helpful.

Day 35

Getting pretty hungry. Might try licking my bindlestick kerchief for sustenance.

Day 57

Crap. Siberia. Have discovered that gulag is not a kind of soup.