A Sheep in Poodle's Clothing

I'm sorry, but this is one of the best things I've read all year. Some enterprising people in Japan have strategically shaved a bunch of sheep and sold them as poodles. Reminds me of the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch:



I think the best part about the article is the graphic they use:

Packing Can Suck It

Seriously. I'm doing a lot better than I expected, though. I even have a truck lined up! I'm about 2/3 packed at this point, and honestly, it's going much more smoothly than last time. It was weird to read that again, by the way. Strange how things change.

If anything, I'm even more excited to be moving to Santa Cruz than I was to be moving on after the divorce. I think that's because I'm doing it on my own, with no external influences. I've been doing things "because I should" for most of my life, and I've been realizing that I did a lot of that in my last relationship. I didn't approach it from a standpoint of what was best for me, and I didn't allow the relationship to stand on its own terms. I feel much more relaxed now, and I think things going forward will be much more "natural", if that makes sense.

Anyway. Packing. I pick up the truck on Friday afternoon, I'll be loading it (by myself) all that day and Saturday, and then my friend Darius will be helping me load the big stuff on Sunday morning. Then I'll hop in the truck, he'll hop in my car, and we'll drive north. I've gotta be in Santa Cruz by 4:30pm to pick up the keys on Sunday, so think lots of CLEAR TRAFFIC/NO RAIN thoughts if you've got a moment, okay?



OH. I've also been working on a new MIX CD of fantastic new/awesome tunes. I like to keep fairly up-to-date with new music, so if YOU like good tunes, and you'd like a copy, just send an email to gasolinehobo AT gmail DOT com, and I'll get one in the mail to you sometime in the next few weeks. FREE OF CHARGE. Coz that's how we hobos roll, yo.

Mr. T is My Hero

You have no idea how badly I want this:



They are SUPER TEENY and Mr. T has KITTIES on him!

How Much for that Hobo in the Window?

Notice the new banner? Notice the new likeness of your favorite hobo? Said portrait was drawn by the extremely talented Adam Koford, aka "Ape Lad" of the famous "700 Hoboes Project". To learn more about the 700 Hoboes, I strongly encourage you to read the book "The Areas of My Expertise", by John Hodgman.

A few weeks ago, I noticed that Ape Lad (or "Mr. Lad" as I like to think of him) was offering to draw any hobo for $10. All he wanted was a name, and he'd do the rest. I offered no details about myself or what should be in the portrait. I paid my $10 and this was the result:



Needless to say, I am giddy with delight. You can see Mr. Lad creating a hobo here:

The Story of Smoke

You may not know this, but smoke did not always rise. When fire was
first discovered, the smoke refused to rise. It wanted to stay close
to its mother. This made using fire for useful things very difficult,
because no one could see what they were doing.

One day, a very wise man had an idea. When the sun rose the next day,
he summoned fire from the wood, and she was glad to come, because it
was a beautiful day, and the sky was golden with the dawn. But the
smoke still stayed close.

"Do you see the sky?" asked the wise man, and the smoke looked. It
thought the sky was the most beautiful thing it had ever seen, and it
fell in love. It wanted nothing more than to be as close to it as
possible. But it loved its mother as much as it loved the sky, and
that is why one end of the smoke always stays with the fire while the
other end rises up to meet the sky.

Shanked by a Crystal on Star People Turf

You know, I'm finding out that Santa Cruz isn't all lamb tails and fuzzy caterpillars. There's a dark side. No, I'm not talking about the bongos. See, to properly tell this story, I need to go back about 12 years.

The scene: Turpentine Cat Video. My friend Jeff owned the store, and I hung out there a lot and held down the fort when he needed to go out of town. Jeff was an interesting guy. He was in my mom's graduating class, called himself an "unreconstructed hippie", and was a huge fan of independent and avant-garde films, which was pretty much all he carried. He was also an astonishingly good poet, and had been published in the Paris Review.

He spoke softly, laughed a lot, and smoked unfiltered Camels to the point where the fingernails of his right hand were yellow. He was rail thin, had long black hair, always wore a leather jacket, and walked with a limp (and sometimes a cane, like a bad-ass punk version of House). He walked with a limp because he'd gotten into a motorcycle accident a few years earlier and had shattered his femur. He had one surgery to replace part of it, which involved a titanium ball joint, and then he had another one a year or so after that because he broke another part of the leg while having sex.

Jeff is sort of tangential to this story, but I wanted to tell you about him because he had a huge impact on my life, and because he died a few years ago and I miss him. Anyway. I brought him up because the video store was next to a bookstore called Wellspring Books. This was a place that would fit in very well in Santa Cruz. They sold crystals. They sold trinkets to help balance the chakra and all kinds of really cool rocks. And books, of course. Lots of books about astrology, and the Goddess, and Wicca, and paganism, and eastern religions, etc. Health food, too! I think I saw my first seaweed bar there (shudder).

Wellspring Books was very popular. There was a constant influx of people with flowing clothes, lots of scarves, very intricate earrings, and, if I may say, overly dramatic gracefulness. Not all of them, but some of them wanted to SWEEP from place to place. Gliding past the patriarchy, if you will. This description applies to men as well as women, by the way. The men simply had a greater love of vests and pointy beards.

Jeff called them Star People, and I think that's the perfect way to describe them. Their heads are in the stars, and they seem to have a weird sort of peace about them.

The point? Some of the Star People in Santa Cruz have a dark side. I was walking out of the Santa Cruz Bookstore recently, and wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I was walking through an alley that was painted to look like the main street of some vaguely European town, and I was about halfway through when I noticed that I wasn't alone. There were Star People in there, leaning against the frames of painted doors, attempting to hide themselves in the shadows below painted balconies. They stirred as I got closer, and I could hear them tinkling ominously.

I turned around and walked back out. I wasn't about to get shanked by a crystal on Star People turf.

Diggin' the New Digs

Much is happening in HoboVille, my friends. I've been up and down California like a smelly ping pong ball, and northern California lost. Yes, I have Found a Place to Live. It's more than I wanted to pay, so I'll have to tighten my belt in a few places, but it won't be too bad. For once, it looks like I did NOT pick the wrong week to give up heroin.

I'd looked at a bunch of places in my original price range, and they just weren't cutting it. $1200 for a studio is a bit much, even if it DOES have a "separate sleeping area" (essentially a cut-out in the wall big enough for a cot). I realized two things. First, I am not a college student. I am used to living in a house, so I need some space or I'll go crazy. Second, I'm going to be spending a lot of time in that place, seeing as how I won't be working a regular job. I'll be sitting at the dining room table, or sprawled on the couch or the bed, or on the balcony, trying to stimulate my noodle. The one in my skull, sicko.

Did you notice how I said "balcony"? Yes. I have a balcony. On the third floor of a new apartment complex. The view? Nothing but trees, an open field, and green hills. And if you lean over a bit, you can see the ocean. It's a 5 minute walk away.

I move in on May 1st, and I am very, very excited.

Amazingness From Birdmonster

FYI, that is my blogging boyfriend Justin on piano and bass. I think this brings the number of instruments he can play up to about 327. You're on notice, Justin: the next time I see you, I expect you to knit a piccolo out of dental floss and then PLAY IT.

This...

...is an amazing article, and I think you should read it.