Tales of Pork and Gelatin
I have to say that this NaBloPoMoFo thing is making me just a teensy bit competitive. I mean, all of these great writers are sitting around, posting EVERY GODDAMN DAY, and here I sit with my nose in a bushel of photos with "communication with the outside world" just about the farthest thing from my mind.
So while I don't have tons to say, I will give a few brief updates.
- I have not recently spontaneously combusted.
- My entire body (except the toenails) has NOT been consumed by giant slugs.
- I have not successfully consumed my weight in anchovies.
- I DID buy a totally sweet hoodie
- I DID buy a little MP3 player for The Snuggler for her birthday, pre-loaded with good tunes.
- I actually AM ok with the fact that the person I'm dating does not eat anything pork related, which means NO BACON and NO MARSHMALLOWS. Of course, this means that I dream of MARSHMALLOW DIPPED BACON, but I feel certain that this will pass like a fever dream. Possibly AFTER I am caught attempting to bring my mad creation to fruition at 2 in the morning while dressed in my underwear.
So while I don't have tons to say, I will give a few brief updates.
- I have not recently spontaneously combusted.
- My entire body (except the toenails) has NOT been consumed by giant slugs.
- I have not successfully consumed my weight in anchovies.
- I DID buy a totally sweet hoodie
- I DID buy a little MP3 player for The Snuggler for her birthday, pre-loaded with good tunes.
- I actually AM ok with the fact that the person I'm dating does not eat anything pork related, which means NO BACON and NO MARSHMALLOWS. Of course, this means that I dream of MARSHMALLOW DIPPED BACON, but I feel certain that this will pass like a fever dream. Possibly AFTER I am caught attempting to bring my mad creation to fruition at 2 in the morning while dressed in my underwear.
coughed this up at 11:59 PM
6 El Commentos:
MARSHMALLOW DIPPED BACON? There's the kernel that just lost me a week as I try to develop recipes and create a taste sensation that doesn't set my stove on fire.
Awesome.
So, do you already own the Dirty Bird "Hobo" tee?
Okay. So, you know how some people wrap bacon around other foods and then call it an appetizer? If you could somehow figure out how to wrap bacon around a partially melted marshmallow (and then drizzle it lightly with caramel, of course) I think I would bow to a Hobo shrine every morning for the rest of my stinkin' life.
The only food made worse by bacon are Jolly Ranchers, if in fact you can call that food, which in fact you can, so long as you're willing to live the latter half of your life with 18 teeth. But really, if you aren't eating pork, why eat meat at all? What's left? Chicken? Blando Calrisian. Turkey? Maybe on Thanksgiving. Cows? Sorry hamburgers, but you're no proscuitto-wrapped-porkchop.
moose: i am not responsible for stoves, but i will gladly sample your successful recipe!
carroll: alas, i do not. i already have enough tees to clothe most of sally struther's orphans, and am therefore barred from purchasing any new ones for the time being.
angela: i will don my bacon-making underwear and make the attempt! soon!
bm: one could conceivably melt the jolly rancher and add it to a truffle and basil oil base to fry the bacon in. conceivably.
also, i'm totally stealing "Blando Calrisian".
Nutritionally speaking, I am anti-bacon, which allows me to pretend that I am morally superior. Except that practice does not follow theory. I have no bacon resistance. Put bacon in front of me, and I suck it in like a... specialized vaccuum for bacon.
Still, I treasure my theory.
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