So This Is The New Year

You know, I sat here and sweated out three different versions of this post before I finally tossed it all out, said a very loud "Fuck It" in my head, and started over. I'm not going to focus on the past. I've always been good about looking ahead and having adventures and making the most of things, and goddamn it, that's what I'm going to do.

I'd been planning on going up to San Francisco this weekend to see my pal Justin's band play. He understands hobos, and we get along well. His puns are as bad as mine, and he's a genuinely good guy. But I found myself waffling last week. My car was in the shop, I was feeling depressed, and I was kinda sick from eating fast food for a solid month and a half because I didn't feel like going to the store.

But I've got a rental car with no mileage limit, and even though it drives like a walrus, it's a car. To me, cars represent possibility and independence. I can't count how many times I've just hopped in the car and drove to nowhere, just for the sheer joy of the experience and the anticipation of what I might find. If nothing interesting comes over the horizon, there's at least good music and a mobile thinking space, and that's worth a lot to me.

So I'm going to pack my suit (gotta wear fancy dress on New Year's Eve), my camera gear, a few changes of clothes and odds and ends, toss it all in The Walrus, and drive. I'm going to meet a new friend up in Santa Cruz, and she promises adventures. I'm going to go up to San Francisco and ring in the new year lookin' sharp, feelin' good, and listening to some fantastic music.

And my past? I'm going to pack bits of that away, too, and leave them at home.

Update Soon! Do Not Worry!

I will mesmerize you with tales of things that totally didn't happen very soon. In the meantime, you can read about my Christmas Story (which is actually true) over at Fluid Pudding, and you can also gaze upon this, the Best Tattoo Ever:



You're welcome.

Holiday Cheer

Yeah, not so much. Normally I love Christmas a little more than is healthy for me. The tree, the decorations, the crispy coolness in the air, the anticipation of excellent swag, and spending some quality time with the significant other.

I just can't do it this year. I haven't done any shopping, nor do I think I'm going to. I'll get my mom a birthday present (she was born on Christmas Eve), and get flowers for my Grandma and Emily, but that'll be the extent of it.

Of course, it didn't help that I received a letter from myself yesterday. There's this site called Futureme.org, and a year ago yesterday I wrote myself a letter. It was just a few days before she was going to come into town for our Christmas, and I was feeling really, really good, and I was very happy. And of course, I received it first thing in the morning yesterday, which did not do wonders for the rest of my day, to put it lightly. Anyway.

I just need to get through the season intact. That's kinda all I want this year.

In other news, my pal Space Nakji just gave me a gift certificate for a deep tissue massage. I've never had one before, and I'm kinda scared. I'm picturing some ginormous Swedish woman with arms like tree trunks beating the crap out of my back. Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to it (my back is 9 kinds of fucked up and it's REALLY been hurting over the last month or so), I'm just a little...anxious about it.

Speaking of Ms. Nakji, I had the following chat conversation the other night. It is perhaps the best synopsis of ANY movie that I have EVER heard. Granted, it's for The Sisterhood Of the Traveling Pants, but still. Roger Ebert, eat your heart out:

Space Nakji: these chicks go to a thrift store and find a pair of magic pants that make them all fabulous
Space Nakji: so they take turns wearing them and having fabulous things happen
Space Nakji: and they're not even like cool clown pants
Space Nakji: they're just jeans
Space Nakji: they're magic fucking pants
Space Nakji: jeezus
Space Nakji: even magic shoes would be better than that
Space Nakji: or magic panties

And really, I think the idea of magic panties is one that we can ALL get behind.

Happy Holidays, everyone.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

And yes, that IS Justin Timberlake.

Divine Conversation

Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster,

Look, I know I don't ask you for much. Ok, so I don't ask you for anything, really. Well, nothing that doesn't involve stuffed shells and pesto sauce. But look, I could really use some help here. You know about Motley Crue, right? Yeah. Yeah, they did that one song about a doctor who feels good. What? Yeah, you're right - that one dude from the band DID marry Pamela Anderson.

I totally agree - I didn't think it was possible to take a step down from Tommy Lee, but hey, when the Apocalypse comes, there'll be roaches, twinkies, and Kid Rock. What? There's not going to be an apocalypse? Just a really nice dinner with wine and breadsticks? You know, that's a religion I can really get behind.

ANYHOO, like I said, I could really use your help. See, I've had the song "Kickstart My Heart" stuck in my head for the past week, and I've had just about enough of it. Come on, you remember how it goes. Don't make me sing it. Ok, fine, whatever.

"Skydive naked
From an aeroplane
Or a lady with a
Body from outerspace
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Say I got trouble
Trouble in my eyes
I'm just looking for
Another good time
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart

Yeh, are you ready girls?
Yeh, are you ready now?
Ooh, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Ooh, yeah, baby
Ooh, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Ooh, yeah, baby"

Are you happy now? I think I'd be fine if that song could just be wiped from my memory. Really? You'd do that? Thanks! Ahhhhhh....much better! Wait a minute...there's a little tickle in my brain...OH CRAP.

You know, I probably should have been more specific. I didn't want you to replace it with something else, I just wanted it GONE. No. No song from Mary Poppins is better than a Motley Crue song. ESPECIALLY one with the lyrics

"I choose me bristles with pride,
Yes, I do,
A broom for the shaft
And a broom for the flume"

Yeah? Will chim-chim-cheroo to you, too!

How Geeky Am I? This Geeky.

I found this the other day. Yes, it is the first issue of the Alf comic book:



Not much could be worse than that, right? Incorrect. I flipped the comic over, and found this ad:



I was hungry for more. Google Image Search, what do you have for us?



Ah, yes. An Italian cat chewing on the Potato Chip Popple. Priceless.

Welcome To My Wild Kingdom

Usually the only thing that gets unruly around my place is the cheese (I swear it's going to invent fire one of these days. Fondue! Ha!). Recently, however, I've noticed a few visitors.

Like the flock of parrots in my neighborhood. They're very loud, and they've got squawks like chain smokers. Little feathered chain smokers. What would parrots smoke, anyway? Probably cheroots. Oooh, or maybe those "Swisher Sweets" I always see at the grocery store but would never (ever) buy.

Regardless, in keeping with my pledge to take a photo a day, here's a parrot:



I also took a pretty cool picture of a spider, but I think it might freak some people out, so I'm not sure I should post it...

Oops! I Forgot A Resolution.

Cooking. I need to learn how to cook things. I'm a little sick of nachos.

And by sick, I mean that I'm considering finding a tortilla chip factory and setting it on fire.

Either that or crash a guacamole truck into it.

Bloggus Vomitus Excelsior

I'm not sure exactly what that means, but it sounds pretty impressive so I'm gonna just go with it, ok? Thanks for playing along. This is the post where I regale you with tales of things that have happened to me, and things that I've been thinking about. Strap yourself in, bucko, it's been a bumpy few weeks.

First of all, I remain a lucky boy. I know, it's been just about the worst month I've ever had, but there have been bright spots. For example, I found out just the other day that my insurance company is going to cover me for my accident. They're going to pay for the damage to her car, I can get mine fixed by paying a $500 deductible, and they're only going to make me give them my spleen and three toes from my left foot. You don't need a spleen, right? Has anyone made an artifical spleen? Will I need to be put in an Iron Spleen? That would be an awesome band name, by the way. Like Iron Butterfly but with more bile.

So yes, my car will be repaired, and I will not have to scrounge up the $5500+ it will cost to repair the other person's car. In all honesty, I was not expecting to be covered. Neither was my adjustor - she was extremely surprised. So hooray for good news.

The other good news? I'm not an alcoholic! Yay! My father is a highly functioning alcoholic, and when I was young, I made a decision to never be like that. And I haven't. Since the breakup, though, I've consumed WAY too much of the stuff, simply to dull the edge of the pain and anxiety, and it was starting to bother me. So I stopped. And I was ok. I still have panic attacks and everything, but I don't feel the urge to drink. It helps temporarily, but as a long-term solution, it's really pretty stupid, and I sort of make a point of not doing stupid things. Which leads to me to my Post-Breakup Manifesto.

1. I will not start dating again until I'm ready. I'm definitely not ready, and it's not fair to me or the other person to jump into something while I've still got issues. It's not like there aren't people interested or anything, but I need to keep things on a "friends-only" level for a while, until I can repair the damage. I don't want a rebound, and I think I'm strong enough to stay single until I know I can handle being in another relationship. That said, I love being in a relationship, so it will be a struggle to keep from slipping into something. But I don't want something shallow or convenient. When it happens, I'd like for it to be real, and meaningful. That takes discipline and self-control, and I've gotten much, much better at both of those things over the last year or two.


2. I will continue to rebuild my social life. One of the problems with a long distance relationship is the time difference. In my case, she was on the east coast, and I'm on the west. That meant that she was finishing up with her night right about the time mine should have been starting. I made a decision early on to make the relationship a priority, and some of my friendships suffered as a result. I turned down a bunch of offers to do stuff, hang out, etc, and eventually some people just stopped asking. In retrospect, I could perhaps have done a better job of balancing the two, but I do not regret the decision to make her a priority. I realized how important it was to communicate, and I'm glad that I made the sacrifice. Looking back, I made a lot more sacrifices than she did, and that's something I need to think about.


3. I will not change who I am. In spite of everything that's happened to me, I think I really did a good job working on myself after my divorce. As traumatic as this is for me, my core is intact. I still know who I am and what I want out of life. I thought that I'd found someone who could appreciate me for who I am, and I think she did...she just didn't want what we had enough. And that's not my fault. It does no good for me to beat myself up about that - it simply is what it is. I WILL find someone who appreciates what I have to offer at some point. I'll find her one of these days.


4. I will continue to travel. I've been a lot of places over this last year, and I want that to continue. I'll do it by myself if I have to, but it's SO much more enjoyable when you're sharing the experience with someone you care about, someone who thinks like you do.


5. I will join a gym. Yes. I seriously am going to do this. I've been saying it for about 2 years now, but seriously, this is the right time. Besides - it'll be nice to have something to do in the evenings besides mope and watch tv. Also, I'd like to one day say that I can bench press a Wookiee. At the moment, I can probably only handle an anorexic Ewok.


6. I will finally get my tattoo. I've found an artist that I really like, and I'll be meeting with him in January. It will be a large, full color tattoo of a bat on my upper right arm. Very vibrant colors, lots of black and green and blue, and the artist is simply fantastic. One of the best I've ever seen, and local as well. I'll post pictures when I finally get it. Oh - did I not tell you that I like bats? I suppose you could consider them my "power animal". And I'm not talking about the fugly little bats with the big noses and ears - I'm talking about the handsome bats that eat fruit and stuff. Yeah. Shutting up now.


7. I will write something every day. No exceptions. It can be anything, but I have to spend at least an hour doing it. I imagine that a lot of it will be taken up by blogging, but I'll have time to work on short stories as well. I've always planned on being a full-time writer, and now is as good a time as any to start working on that in earnest.


8. I will take at least one photo per day. No exceptions.

I'll re-visit this list again in two or three months and see how I'm doing. And of course, I'll share a lot of it with you along the way. Because I kinda like you guys and stuff.

Sometimes You Just Can't Reach the Goodies

More later. This pretty much sums things up at the moment, though.