What a Way to Go

Not for me, though. I plan on being cremated, liquified, and injected into a dolphin.

Thank you for bearing with me regarding that whole "Porcelain Seed" thing - I figure that if I post the stuff as it comes out of my head, in a public forum, I'll be more likely to actually finish it.

I've always been intrigued by myths and origins - the beginnings of things, and how the world was viewed through the lens of different times and places. That's what I'm trying to do with this new piece.

In other news, my Roomba is still awesome (although I've stopped singing to it), and I tried to eat a peach for dinner last night. It wasn't a very good peach, though, so I ate some Oreos instead. That seemed Right, somehow...

The Porcelain Seed: Part One

A thousand years ago, in a land both far and strange, a mountain slipped its rounded head above a sea of clouds for just a moment, one out of billions spent in the darkness, and something amazing happened.

High up in the twisted branches of an ancient tree, a single porcelain egg lay in a nest of crumbling twigs. The golden sunlight slid over the smooth surface of the egg, warming it by a single degree. The egg rolled slightly to the side, crushed a twig to dust. It was still for a few long moments, as if gathering strength or resolve.

And then it rang. Not like a tiny crystal bell with a silver clapper - this was a ring with a voice, deep and clear, and it shook the tree. It sounded again, a tuned roar, it rolled smoothly down the mountainside, gathering silence in its wake.

Frosting

As some of you may know, I am a fan of frosting. In fact, I freely admit that my favorite nickname for The Girl is "Cupcake". Seriously.

Frosting has always been one of my favorite things, and my dream cake is a white cake with lemon filling and covered with frosting roses. And Chuck Norris in some form or another. (As an aside, I also did a Google image search for "ninja cake" and found this for some inexplicable reason. Sometimes humanity scares me a little.)

Anyway, if anyone should ever be silly enough to marry me again, I think I'd like my wedding cake to be something like this:



(High Res Version & Gallery)

Rattlesnake Bit the Roomba

Sad, really, and nowhere near as cute as the inspiration.

On Bacon

The world seems to be conspiring to remind me that I have no bacon in my fridge, and thus, no bacon in my future tummy unless I feel like going to the store. Which I don't. By the way, I just got an image of my future tummy returning (from the future) wearing some sort of futuristic eyewear. After I stare at it for a moment (and wonder how I know it's my tummy - it's not like I've ever seen it before - it could be an imposter future tummy), it then proceeds to kneecap me for denying it bacon so often over the years. And by so often, I mean every day. Maybe even twice a day.

In other bacon news, I am now the proud (future) owner of a Diablo The Satanic Chicken Action Figure, complete with removable head, tiny human skull, tiny Necronomicon, tiny satanic whoopee cushion, and 3 pieces of oversized novelty bacon. I am not making any of this up.

Finally, on a more serious note, I have also acquired a fantastic photo printer that is very hard to keep from drooling on. I got it for two reasons. The short-term reason is that I needed it to print out a photo of a robot for The Girl's little brother - something suitable for framing. The long-term reason is that I've sort of decided that I'd like to do more with my photography - maybe even try to sell some of it. The printer is capable of producing absolutely gorgeous 8 1/2 x 11 prints, and I've recently discovered how inexpensive it is to buy frames and pre-cut matting. I'm also considering putting together a site just for my photography. If nothing else, it'll be a good way to consolidate some of my favorite pieces. So that's something I'm mulling over at the moment.

Finally, because I believe in the cyclical nature of most things in life, here's a story (with pictures!) where a guy taped bacon to his cat.

And Still, The Garage Is In Front

Mini-rant time. I just ran across an article on Boing Boing about a bunker bungalow, capable of withstanding all sorts of post-apocalyptic stuff. And I look at the picture, and I see that the garage is in front. WHY is the garage always in front? Why would you screw up the design of a home by putting a big garage door front and center? Couldn't it go on the side? Around back? It's sort of the automobile equivalent of wearing Depends voluntarily. You don't NEED them, it's just EASIER than getting up from the couch and going to the bathroom.

In other news, here's a picture of me and The Girl!



Thanks, Natalie Dee!

I Totally Just Bought A Robot

Yeah, you heard me. A ROBOT. It is shiny, and it is red. It has sensors and wheels and gears and an insatiable desire to crush humans. Ok, not really. It's a vacuum cleaner. A Roomba Red, to be precise. It's small and scooty and it will keep my floors cleaner than my noodle arms and a swiffer could ever manage.

I am resisting naming it or giving it a gender. I figure that's just asking for trouble. I'm sure that as soon as I name it "Jerry" or something, I'll be found 3 weeks later lying sprawled on the floor as my body is slowly devourd by soft brushes.

But hey - SHINY. ROBOT.

That's a Whole Lotta Hobos

700 hobos, to be precise.

This is not me, I swear:


Replicant Wemberly Plastiskin and His Clockwork Squirrel "Toothy"

Dear Universe

Why? Why must you befuddle me so?