Divine Conversation
Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster,
Look, I know I don't ask you for much. Ok, so I don't ask you for anything, really. Well, nothing that doesn't involve stuffed shells and pesto sauce. But look, I could really use some help here. You know about Motley Crue, right? Yeah. Yeah, they did that one song about a doctor who feels good. What? Yeah, you're right - that one dude from the band DID marry Pamela Anderson.
I totally agree - I didn't think it was possible to take a step down from Tommy Lee, but hey, when the Apocalypse comes, there'll be roaches, twinkies, and Kid Rock. What? There's not going to be an apocalypse? Just a really nice dinner with wine and breadsticks? You know, that's a religion I can really get behind.
ANYHOO, like I said, I could really use your help. See, I've had the song "Kickstart My Heart" stuck in my head for the past week, and I've had just about enough of it. Come on, you remember how it goes. Don't make me sing it. Ok, fine, whatever.
"Skydive naked
From an aeroplane
Or a lady with a
Body from outerspace
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Say I got trouble
Trouble in my eyes
I'm just looking for
Another good time
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Yeh, are you ready girls?
Yeh, are you ready now?
Ooh, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Ooh, yeah, baby
Ooh, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Ooh, yeah, baby"
Are you happy now? I think I'd be fine if that song could just be wiped from my memory. Really? You'd do that? Thanks! Ahhhhhh....much better! Wait a minute...there's a little tickle in my brain...OH CRAP.
You know, I probably should have been more specific. I didn't want you to replace it with something else, I just wanted it GONE. No. No song from Mary Poppins is better than a Motley Crue song. ESPECIALLY one with the lyrics
"I choose me bristles with pride,
Yes, I do,
A broom for the shaft
And a broom for the flume"
Yeah? Will chim-chim-cheroo to you, too!
Look, I know I don't ask you for much. Ok, so I don't ask you for anything, really. Well, nothing that doesn't involve stuffed shells and pesto sauce. But look, I could really use some help here. You know about Motley Crue, right? Yeah. Yeah, they did that one song about a doctor who feels good. What? Yeah, you're right - that one dude from the band DID marry Pamela Anderson.
I totally agree - I didn't think it was possible to take a step down from Tommy Lee, but hey, when the Apocalypse comes, there'll be roaches, twinkies, and Kid Rock. What? There's not going to be an apocalypse? Just a really nice dinner with wine and breadsticks? You know, that's a religion I can really get behind.
ANYHOO, like I said, I could really use your help. See, I've had the song "Kickstart My Heart" stuck in my head for the past week, and I've had just about enough of it. Come on, you remember how it goes. Don't make me sing it. Ok, fine, whatever.
"Skydive naked
From an aeroplane
Or a lady with a
Body from outerspace
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Say I got trouble
Trouble in my eyes
I'm just looking for
Another good time
My heart, my heart
Kickstart my heart
Yeh, are you ready girls?
Yeh, are you ready now?
Ooh, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Give it a start
Ooh, yeah, baby
Ooh, yeah
Kickstart my heart
Hope it never stops
Ooh, yeah, baby"
Are you happy now? I think I'd be fine if that song could just be wiped from my memory. Really? You'd do that? Thanks! Ahhhhhh....much better! Wait a minute...there's a little tickle in my brain...OH CRAP.
You know, I probably should have been more specific. I didn't want you to replace it with something else, I just wanted it GONE. No. No song from Mary Poppins is better than a Motley Crue song. ESPECIALLY one with the lyrics
"I choose me bristles with pride,
Yes, I do,
A broom for the shaft
And a broom for the flume"
Yeah? Will chim-chim-cheroo to you, too!
coughed this up at 9:12 AM
11 El Commentos:
My God (Gonzo Gonzales is his name) recently removed the Hootie and the Blowfish album I was once gifted from my home by miraculously levitating it out the window.
Oh. Wait. I threw it out the window. Agnosticism regains it's hold.
(and yes, for the record, I realize that would've been the perfect time to say "defenestrate" but I did not. I may never get another chance, sadly. Unless I find my Dream Theatre albums.)
i'm actually commenting on the geeky comic book post, (but didn't see a link to comment) so i'm highjacking your motely crue conversation :), as i sit here typing in my journey tee. umm. . not kidding. ok, i guess i can't comment on your geekiness i'm drunk at 11pm and blogging on a friday night. in my journey tee. did i mention that? don't you love all this kooky traffic from fluid pudding :)
Ear worms, ackkk! I needed a 12-step recovery program the year "Walk Like an Egyptian" was stuck on "repeat" in my car tape deck. Aieeee.
bm: i defenestrated a poodle once. don't worry, it was already dead.
anon: hijack away! i am seethingly jealous of your journey shirt. little known hobo fact: i wrote a short story several years ago that centered around a Foghat shirt. true.
carroll: yes, i remember hating my ears when "Walk Like an Egyptian" was in heavy rotation. i think the only earworm worse than that is the theme song to The Greatest American Hero. truly hideous.
There's a commercial for lemonade that's been on rotation here in Korea that is so vile I've been known to hurl myself bodily through the room just to reach the remote or power button on the TV the moment the ditty starts. The worst part is there are actually two commercials for the same lemonade, almost identical, except that the second one is even more annoying. And they always play back to back.
I'm going to tape those commercials and force you to watch them repeatedly the next time I'm in California.
A while back we had another commercial about pomegranate juice that I thought was the absolute worse. "Pretty girls love pomegranates. But if you get too pretty, what will become of me?!?!" Sung in a whining tone by a man who played a female impersonator in a movie.
Oh my gosh. That just reminded me... last night I dreamt that Boy George told me he was one of my biggest fans.
Awesome.
i appreciate a guy who can appreciate a girl with a journey tee :) journey rocks! (formerly anon :)
daphne, i never stopped believing.
sn: i've seen some of those commercials, remember. also, i do not have a VCR, so nyah! i'm also pretty sure that Mr. T is who Boy George likes the most.
oh. my. god. i love that song, but i couldn't watch that clip! video *so* killed the radio star. yikes! that was actually painful watching steve perry jump around in those high waisted jeans and an animal print tee. i'm glad musicians have to be pretty now ;)
i think the darkness missed the memo. ;)
I asked FSM for a guitar for my birthday. My prayer was answered. As a cruel joke, sheet music to Baby Got Back was stuffed in the gig bag pocket.
You haven't seen these commercials because they're new.
Stupid.
Post a Comment
<< Flee!