"Da earth waz barren..."
Let me just preface this little piece by saying that I have nothing against religion. Like anything, it can be used for good or evil. My main problem with this story has nothing to do religion and everything to do with how stupid people are.
Ready? Someone has translated the Bible into a new language. It took them over four weeks. This is not the problem. The problem is that the language is SMS-Speak. You know, that weird pidgin vocabulary that allows people with phones to pound out such erudite exchanges as "u no u luv scott evry1 nos it", "stfu stacy at lst i hv boobs".
Because I love my readers so much, I decided to download the software from the SMSBible site. I do not recommend this, as the site sucks so badly that I think crapped out a cherub. I did not download the software out of any intent to send SMS Bible verses to anyone (at a cost of .25 per verse, payable to the good folks at SMSBible). Rather, I was savagely curious to see if any of the verses used "OMG". Mostly because I think that would be hilarious.
fig. 1: SEE! The hideous interface!
Unfortunately, I failed in my mission. There are only two ways to send someone a message using the software. The first method involves actually plugging your phone into the computer and praying that the software will find it. I do not have a cable for my phone. The other method is via the internet, and requires you to actually CALL the Bible Society to set up an account. The Bible Society is in Australia, and I don't think my employer would appreciate that kind of a long distance phone call. Even if it is for a good cause. Alas, all I can do is provide you with a few sample verses. These are actual examples! I swiped them from this story.
"In da Bginnin God cre8d da heavens & da earth. Da earth waz barren, wit no 4m of life; it waz unda a roaring ocean cuvred wit dRkness. (Genesis, chapter 1, verses 1-2).
God luvd da ppl of dis wrld so much dat he gave his only Son, so dat evry1 who has faith in him will have eternal life & neva really die. (John, chapter 3, verse 16).
U, Lord, r my shepherd. I will neva be in need. U let me rest in fields of green grass. U lead me 2 streams of peaceful water. (Psalm 23, verses 1-2).
Wrk hard at wateva u do. U will soon go 2 da wrld of da dead, where no 1 wrks or thinks or reasons or knws NEting. (Ecclesiastes, chapter nine, verse 10).
Respect ur father & ur mother, & u will live a long time in da l& I am givin u. (Exodus, chapter 20, verse 12)."
Ready? Someone has translated the Bible into a new language. It took them over four weeks. This is not the problem. The problem is that the language is SMS-Speak. You know, that weird pidgin vocabulary that allows people with phones to pound out such erudite exchanges as "u no u luv scott evry1 nos it", "stfu stacy at lst i hv boobs".
Because I love my readers so much, I decided to download the software from the SMSBible site. I do not recommend this, as the site sucks so badly that I think crapped out a cherub. I did not download the software out of any intent to send SMS Bible verses to anyone (at a cost of .25 per verse, payable to the good folks at SMSBible). Rather, I was savagely curious to see if any of the verses used "OMG". Mostly because I think that would be hilarious.
fig. 1: SEE! The hideous interface!
Unfortunately, I failed in my mission. There are only two ways to send someone a message using the software. The first method involves actually plugging your phone into the computer and praying that the software will find it. I do not have a cable for my phone. The other method is via the internet, and requires you to actually CALL the Bible Society to set up an account. The Bible Society is in Australia, and I don't think my employer would appreciate that kind of a long distance phone call. Even if it is for a good cause. Alas, all I can do is provide you with a few sample verses. These are actual examples! I swiped them from this story.
"In da Bginnin God cre8d da heavens & da earth. Da earth waz barren, wit no 4m of life; it waz unda a roaring ocean cuvred wit dRkness. (Genesis, chapter 1, verses 1-2).
God luvd da ppl of dis wrld so much dat he gave his only Son, so dat evry1 who has faith in him will have eternal life & neva really die. (John, chapter 3, verse 16).
U, Lord, r my shepherd. I will neva be in need. U let me rest in fields of green grass. U lead me 2 streams of peaceful water. (Psalm 23, verses 1-2).
Wrk hard at wateva u do. U will soon go 2 da wrld of da dead, where no 1 wrks or thinks or reasons or knws NEting. (Ecclesiastes, chapter nine, verse 10).
Respect ur father & ur mother, & u will live a long time in da l& I am givin u. (Exodus, chapter 20, verse 12)."
coughed this up at 1:11 PM
1 El Commentos:
Nothing good comes from Australia...
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