One Dick Joke Too Many

It's weird - I stopped being married in January, felt like crap for a few months, learned some important lessons, personal growth, etc., and now I find myself having the time of my life. Since I am a corporate drone (although I am currently stealing company bandwidth to write this missive, thus removing some of the stigma of droneyness), I have listed a few of the ways in which my life is great in BULLET. POINT. FORMAT. (Yeah, that's how I roll now, suckas).

• I met The Girl. She's amazing, and she takes my breath away. It's the sort of thing where I'll be working along in my cube, doing cubey things, and I'll just stop every once in a while, sit back and say "Wow". Yeah. I've got it bad.


• I've started travelling. I've always wanted to travel, but never could. Now I'm like a shuttlecock in a really big game of badminton. (Ok, shut up - I know that's a horrible metaphor, but come on - I said "cock"! There's nothing so bad that it can't be enhanced by a good solid dick joke.) Since June I've been to New Orleans (pre-Katrina, with The Girl), Korea and Japan (with my tentacled pal). Over the next 6 months, I'll be going to Philadelphia, Washington DC, Seattle, New York, London, Scotland and Tampa. Yes, Tampa.


• I moved into a new place. It's literally 4 minutes from my work, which is a fuckload better than the hour and change it used to take me. I now have new and exciting opportunities to sleep in.


• I have my dog with me. Granted, she's a rather diminished version of herself, as she's started having seizures and is therefore drugged out of her gourd on phenobarbitol and valium half of the time, but this is a) better than having seizures, and b) better than putting her to sleep. Besides, she's getting used to the drugs, is getting less loopy, and hasn't had a seizure for a week now. She's always been a daddy's girl. I'm just having to act much more like a real daddy than I've had to before. And you know what? It ain't so bad.


• I have successfully completed a 12 step program to wean myself from egregious use of ellipsis. Unfortunately, much like the dreaded heroin to methadone stepdown, I've started abusing parentheses. I'm so (SO) ashamed.

I just realized that this is kind of a dumb post.











Um.....Balls?









shit. fuck it. here's a picture of a kitty.