Gasoline Hobo vs. Credit Card Company
Due to a cunning investment in an old shopping cart, I have been able to vastly increase my trade in recycled goods. This has allowed me to pay off several credit cards, an unfortunately legacy from my freewheeling days as a venture capitalist back in the dot com days (remember freesporks.com? chocolatesporks.com? iguanasporks.com? no? thus my current situation). Here is an ACTUAL CONVERSATION I had with an unnamed credit card company about an hour ago:
csr: thank you for calling BANK, can i get your account number please?
me: i just entered it into the system.
csr: we don't get that number, sir. can i get your account number?
me: account number blah blah blah.
csr: and what is your mother's maiden name?
me: smith.
csr: and what is your address?
me: (gives address)
csr: so you're not at (old address)?
me: no. i moved.
csr: what is your new address?
me: sigh. (repeats)
csr: and what is your home phone number?
me: i don't have one.
csr: you don't have a home phone?
me: no. i have a cell phone. which i'd like to keep private.
csr: what company do you work for?
me: XXXXX
csr: and do you have a work number?
me: yes, that's private as well.
csr: ok, how can i assist you?
me: this account is paid off, right?
csr: yes.
me: why did you pull $200 from my checking account? i told you to cancel that when i paid off the account.
csr: i need to transfer you to our payments division. one moment please.
*musak*
me: *grumbling* + 2 minutes hold = quiet seething
csr2: thank you for calling BANK, may i have your account number, please?
me: fine. (acct number)
csr2: and what is your mother's maiden name?
me: smith.
csr2: and what is your mailing address?
me: i just gave all of this information. do i really need to give it again?
csr2: yes.
me: fine. (gives address)
csr2: so you're not at (old address)?
me: no, I've moved. i gave the new address to the last associate.
csr2: what is the new address?
me: *long silence* (gives new address)
csr2: and what is your home phone number?
me: i don't have one.
csr2: do you still work for XXXXX?
me: yes.
csr2: and how can i help you today, sir?
me: this account has been paid off, but you're still pulling $200 from my checking account. I'd like a refund, please.
csr2: sure, i can send you a refund check for $189.42.
me: why not $200?
csr2: because $189.42 is the amount available on the account, sir.
me: how is that possible? the account had a zero balance when you pulled the $200. Where did the rest of it go? In fact, why wasn't this cancelled when I called to pay off the account? I asked and was specifically told that it would be.
csr2: i'll need to transfer you to customer service to cancel the draft. one moment please.
*musak*
csr3: thank you for calling BANK, can i help you?
me: wait a second - this was transferred from another associate - they didn't give you the information?
csr3: no sir. can i have your account number, please?
me: fine. (account number)
csr3: and what is your mother's maiden name?
me: smith.
csr3: and can you confirm your address?
me: (gives address)
csr3: so you're no longer at the (old address)?
me: no. i've moved. the new address should have been entered into your system 3 times in the last 10 minutes.
csr3: may i have the new address, please?
me: sure, why not! (new address again)
csr3: thank you. and can i verify your home phone number, please?
me: i don't have one.
csr3: you still work for XXXXX, though?
me: yes.
csr3: thank you! what can i help you with?
me: this account was paid off. i requested at that time that the draft of $200 per month be removed from the account, and it wasn't. i need the draft cancelled, and i need a refund for the $200.
csr3: did you call to cancel the draft 3 days prior to calling to pay off the account?
me: what? why?
csr3: that's our policy, sir - it takes 3 days to cancel any payment arrangement.
me: so let me get this straight. i paid off the account on the 15th of last month. I requested at that time that the draft be cancelled. the draft occurred on the 11th of this month. this is more than 3 days.
csr3: yes sir, but you have to call and cancel it before the account is paid off.
me: fine. can we cancel it now, please?
csr3: certainly sir! is there anything else I can do for you?
me: yes, i'd still kind of like my $200 back, please.
csr3: $200? I'm showing $189.42, sir.
me: yes, but WHY? have you applied finance charges to a credit? i think that might be kinda, you know...illegal.
csr3: well, we could probably charge back the remaining amount...
me: i think that's a great idea. let's do that.
csr3: let me notate the account, and then i'll transfer you to our payments department for the refund. ok?
me: ok, thanks, i appreciate it!
csr3: you're welcome. one moment please.
*musak*
csr3: i have someone from our payments department on the line for you, mr. hobo.
me: thanks!
csr4: hello, mr. hobo. can you verify your mother's maiden name for me, please?
me: smith.
csr4: and can you verify your address?
me: *creeping dread* (gives address)
csr4: so you're not at (old address)?
me: no. i've moved. the new address is (gives address)
csr4: thank you. and what can i do for you, mr. hobo?
me: i'd like a refund for $200, please.
csr4: $200? i can give you a refund for $189.42...
me: the previous associate said that you'd charge back the extra amount, since it shouldn't have been charged in the first place. didn't she note the account?
csr4: no, sorry....i'll need to get my supervisor's approval to charge back the $10.58, sir.
me: fine, i'll hold.
csr4: she's gone until tuesday.
me: ok, so i won't hold.
csr4: i can release the $189.42 today, and you should get it in about 2 weeks, and i can note the account to follow up with my supervisor on tuesday.
me: *defeat* fine, lets do that.
csr4: is there anything else i can do for you?
me: *long silence*. nothing that you'd probably enjoy very much. but thanks anyway.
csr4: have a good day, sir! *click*
Just so you know, I'm assuming that my idea for a SporKids cartoon will be a raging success before I ever see that $10.58.
csr: thank you for calling BANK, can i get your account number please?
me: i just entered it into the system.
csr: we don't get that number, sir. can i get your account number?
me: account number blah blah blah.
csr: and what is your mother's maiden name?
me: smith.
csr: and what is your address?
me: (gives address)
csr: so you're not at (old address)?
me: no. i moved.
csr: what is your new address?
me: sigh. (repeats)
csr: and what is your home phone number?
me: i don't have one.
csr: you don't have a home phone?
me: no. i have a cell phone. which i'd like to keep private.
csr: what company do you work for?
me: XXXXX
csr: and do you have a work number?
me: yes, that's private as well.
csr: ok, how can i assist you?
me: this account is paid off, right?
csr: yes.
me: why did you pull $200 from my checking account? i told you to cancel that when i paid off the account.
csr: i need to transfer you to our payments division. one moment please.
*musak*
me: *grumbling* + 2 minutes hold = quiet seething
csr2: thank you for calling BANK, may i have your account number, please?
me: fine. (acct number)
csr2: and what is your mother's maiden name?
me: smith.
csr2: and what is your mailing address?
me: i just gave all of this information. do i really need to give it again?
csr2: yes.
me: fine. (gives address)
csr2: so you're not at (old address)?
me: no, I've moved. i gave the new address to the last associate.
csr2: what is the new address?
me: *long silence* (gives new address)
csr2: and what is your home phone number?
me: i don't have one.
csr2: do you still work for XXXXX?
me: yes.
csr2: and how can i help you today, sir?
me: this account has been paid off, but you're still pulling $200 from my checking account. I'd like a refund, please.
csr2: sure, i can send you a refund check for $189.42.
me: why not $200?
csr2: because $189.42 is the amount available on the account, sir.
me: how is that possible? the account had a zero balance when you pulled the $200. Where did the rest of it go? In fact, why wasn't this cancelled when I called to pay off the account? I asked and was specifically told that it would be.
csr2: i'll need to transfer you to customer service to cancel the draft. one moment please.
*musak*
csr3: thank you for calling BANK, can i help you?
me: wait a second - this was transferred from another associate - they didn't give you the information?
csr3: no sir. can i have your account number, please?
me: fine. (account number)
csr3: and what is your mother's maiden name?
me: smith.
csr3: and can you confirm your address?
me: (gives address)
csr3: so you're no longer at the (old address)?
me: no. i've moved. the new address should have been entered into your system 3 times in the last 10 minutes.
csr3: may i have the new address, please?
me: sure, why not! (new address again)
csr3: thank you. and can i verify your home phone number, please?
me: i don't have one.
csr3: you still work for XXXXX, though?
me: yes.
csr3: thank you! what can i help you with?
me: this account was paid off. i requested at that time that the draft of $200 per month be removed from the account, and it wasn't. i need the draft cancelled, and i need a refund for the $200.
csr3: did you call to cancel the draft 3 days prior to calling to pay off the account?
me: what? why?
csr3: that's our policy, sir - it takes 3 days to cancel any payment arrangement.
me: so let me get this straight. i paid off the account on the 15th of last month. I requested at that time that the draft be cancelled. the draft occurred on the 11th of this month. this is more than 3 days.
csr3: yes sir, but you have to call and cancel it before the account is paid off.
me: fine. can we cancel it now, please?
csr3: certainly sir! is there anything else I can do for you?
me: yes, i'd still kind of like my $200 back, please.
csr3: $200? I'm showing $189.42, sir.
me: yes, but WHY? have you applied finance charges to a credit? i think that might be kinda, you know...illegal.
csr3: well, we could probably charge back the remaining amount...
me: i think that's a great idea. let's do that.
csr3: let me notate the account, and then i'll transfer you to our payments department for the refund. ok?
me: ok, thanks, i appreciate it!
csr3: you're welcome. one moment please.
*musak*
csr3: i have someone from our payments department on the line for you, mr. hobo.
me: thanks!
csr4: hello, mr. hobo. can you verify your mother's maiden name for me, please?
me: smith.
csr4: and can you verify your address?
me: *creeping dread* (gives address)
csr4: so you're not at (old address)?
me: no. i've moved. the new address is (gives address)
csr4: thank you. and what can i do for you, mr. hobo?
me: i'd like a refund for $200, please.
csr4: $200? i can give you a refund for $189.42...
me: the previous associate said that you'd charge back the extra amount, since it shouldn't have been charged in the first place. didn't she note the account?
csr4: no, sorry....i'll need to get my supervisor's approval to charge back the $10.58, sir.
me: fine, i'll hold.
csr4: she's gone until tuesday.
me: ok, so i won't hold.
csr4: i can release the $189.42 today, and you should get it in about 2 weeks, and i can note the account to follow up with my supervisor on tuesday.
me: *defeat* fine, lets do that.
csr4: is there anything else i can do for you?
me: *long silence*. nothing that you'd probably enjoy very much. but thanks anyway.
csr4: have a good day, sir! *click*
Just so you know, I'm assuming that my idea for a SporKids cartoon will be a raging success before I ever see that $10.58.
coughed this up at 1:15 PM
3 El Commentos:
Now I remember why I left the US in the first place...
you mean it wasn't for all the hot Josh Hartnett clones? ;)
At least they were all so nice about it.... *vomit*
Post a Comment
<< Flee!